I hate when he takes care of her. I realize that sounds counter-productive to myself and perhaps you are thinking that I should be relieved? He gives her a bath and then leaves her in a slippery tub after so that he can put his socks on. I’m going to say that again because it bears repeating: he put his socks on. Just in case you think that the majority of this is my fault for being a micromanaging nightmare, let me make a few points. He currently has many tools and sharp objects laying on the floor in his office including something that looks like a bad-ass crow bar pointing sharp side up. Also, it has been there for over a week. I am constantly baffled and stunned. Here’s a tip: no matter how calmly you try to present it, men do not like being told anything negative about themselves.
Me: There’s mold in your office and trash overflowing everywhere plus a crowbar, I have noticed these things for over a week. Can we please not let this happen anymore? Our child is into everything and FAST. You tire out after one hour of playing with her.
Hubband: Well I’ll keep my office clean when you keep the kitchen cleaner.
Me: Yes, because dirty dishes and rinsed out bottles waiting to be washed is exactly the same as your office situation.
Hubband: I’m not going to bother to make sense or answer you. You micromanage.
Me: Yes I do, because left to your own devices our child doesn’t get bathed more than once a week. Oh yes and left to your own devices we would be reported to the health department and that hasn’t happened to me since I was 19 years old and living on my own.
Hubband: Backs up the stairs silently until his grin disappears behind the wall.
Me: (Walks into husband’s office blah blah blah. Close door. Open door promptly back up and query), “Is that soft jazz you are listening to?”
Hubband: Yes. Do you have a problem with that?
Me: No, no problem. I just feel like am in a really nice department store circa the early 2000’s
The next day
Me: It was so dorky of you
Hubband: (looks at me like I am all of a sudden naked in front of his parents or like I had just spontaneously grabbed his boss’s junk) That was Miles Davis.
Me: Oh….I had no idea
Hubband: Yeah, I love Kind of Blue
Me: Oh…..well I like Billie Holiday (said defensively). I know one of her songs. Tori covered it, it’s called Strange Fruit.