Unfortunately, this blog post will not be about Minecraft, I just thought a creeper was a fitting picture and I didn’t want to put porn on my blog site (explanation is below).
I have recently begun blogging to save my own ass. This is mostly because I went through a lot of health stuff and in conjunction with being a stay at home mom, it has been rough. Blogging gives me an outlet that is just for me (not for husband or toddler) to share the vulnerable or hysterical parts of my life. I have rarely (if at all) participated in social media for the last few years. I digress, because of this I have been more active on social media and more accepting of friend invites etc. For some background, I have also been married for the last few years and with health issues, I wasn’t doing a ton in public (and especially not without Hubby) so unwanted advances have not been an issue as of late. Fast-forward to a few days of opening up my Facebook and I am getting catfished and a ridiculous amount of friend requests and messages.
Let’s start with the catfishing, shall we? You might be a catfish if…….you have twenty friends, six pictures and you opened your facebook account in 2018. You might be a catfish if you look like the Alcide from True Blood and your six pack has six packs. No one is buying what you are selling. Also: So. Many. Men. Pretending. To. Be. Hot. Military. Men. Just stop. It is disgraceful to steal someone’s pictures who is a model pretending to be serving our country.
Enter into the picture a Middle Eastern man who sends me a series of messages while I am working on my laptop. I only mention his ethnicity because it becomes significant in a little while. So, I get a picture of……..myself. Why? WTF. Why would a picture of me, from my own facebook make me want to talk to you. Next comes……another picture of me. Great, I’m being inundated with pictures of myself which I don’t even really like in general let alone resent to my by a strange dumbass. Then……wait for it……a picture of my daughter. My baby daughter who is nearly 3, but from when she was around 1. Because it just wasn’t creepy enough before now. The last picture was really the pièce de ré·sis·tance. It was an East Asian couple fucking with the man sucking on her breasts and her on top. I am not East Asian. Neither is he. Why the fuck out of all the porn in the universe did he pick that? And why pictures of my daughter and I before it? So. Many. Questions. Apparently this is what happens when you become slightly naive about the interwebs.
In conclusion, I opened up my facebook and some jackhole sent me pictures of myself and my daughter to seduce me, and then some East Asian porn (note- he was not East Asian and neither am I). I cannot un-see this shit or the weirdo implications. Feel free to cue the “dueling banjo” music from Deliverance
Should you wish to view said pictures, I created my very first imgur with them and it can be found here. https://imgur.com/E6rH6qd
Update: While I was creating the imgur I noticed a spectacular thing…..He said one thing to me in all the messages he sent. “V. Nice” I can’t say it in my head without hearing Borat say it. Then I looked carefully at the pictures of him and realized he looked a little bit like Borat. Is it possible that this fictitious character has become real??